I'm having a little issue with screens right now. I kind of hate them. A lot. I have one in particular that is really just irritating me to the core, and it sits on my desk at work basking in all 27 inches of its glory whilst dooming me to macular degeneration, migraines, and late-onset scoliosis I'm sure.
So I spend all day staring at this 27 inch torture device as the leaves outside the window (that, of course, I can only see when I stand up, walk across the office, and open the blinds) turn the most brilliant of oranges and the air temperature drifts downward into an utterly delightful range, and the season passes the way it has passed for the last 18 months, while I am confined to an ergonomically-correct office chair. Do you know what would be most ergonomically correct? Not sitting in a chair all day, staring at the bright white light that I hate so much.
All that to say, I'm pretty sick of screens and have been avoiding my personal computer like the plague. It, after all, has not done anything wrong. But that's why I've been MIA for the last week and a half or so.
I'm pretty sure 100% positive that I do not want my long-term career to involve sitting in front of a computer all day. So when I get home at night, I head straight for the kitchen (usually after spinning/running/ellipticall-ing in front of a screen that plays SportsCenter or the Daily Show ... cantescapethescreens!) to relax, and de-screen, and use my hands for something other than typing. I love the creativity that comes alive in the kitchen. I love MAKING things. CREATING. SERVING. There are parts of my soul that leap alive when I'm standing over the stove.
I have a feeling that when I look back over these pages 10, 15, 20 years from now, I will smile because I will remember the tensions that I feel now. And I will either be happy with my decisions or sad. Either way I think I will be content because I don't really think we can make "wrong" decisions, just ones that make our path more or less difficult as we blunder through this imperfect existence attempting to do the perfect will of our Father. But will I have spent my career pursuing things that I do "well" and are "expected" or will I pursue these things that make my heart come alive?
I honestly don't know the answer to that question, and I will trust God with it for now because it is a decision I feel utterly incapable of making myself.
There are decisions, though, that I can make and I do and I have absolutely no regrets.
Like making tiramisu. With Baileys.
It was just one of those moments that I will honestly remember for the rest of my life ... that little lightning bolt of brilliance (cheapness) when I realized I had no rum (and didn't want to pay for any) but did have Baileys, and ohmyword is there anything better than Baileys? No.
And Baileys Tiramisu is now my favorite thing in the entire world. Next to Puff. And Mexican Food.
(I just spent an unreasonable amount of time trying to cut-and-paste a picture of a sombrero onto a picture of Puff. It didn't work, but use your imagination. Squeal! So cute!)
Anyway, this tiramisu will happen over and over and over again. I need to tweak the recipe the tiniest bit because I was translating it from this one from the fabulous Nigella, and my measurement conversions were a tiny bit off. (Clearly all of that GRE math knowledge has gone right out of the window.)
I also made the decision to substitute pattypan squash for half the carrots in a carrot bundt cake. This could have been disaster. Instead, it made a rather hearty-but-delicious breakfast bread ... made with cranberries and crushed roasted almonds, it was fantastic. Try it. (I made it with 3/4 cup pattypan and 3/4 cup carrot.)
And no, that whole summer squash thing STILL.ISN'T.OVER. I'm truly out of words for it.
I think that's enough for tonight. Just the mention of squash again makes me want to hurl my last remaining 3 yellow orbs of un-awesomeness into next year. They just aren't cool anymore. Pumpkins are so what's in right now.
Also, this screen is making my eyes hurt, and since I have to be back at one in less than 10 hours, I need a break ...