Not A Body

I don't know that I've ever been so aware of the bones that give shape to my body, that houses a soul once-twice-forever redeemed. What a weak shell it seems - this stretched out skin with outward-poking ribs and fragile bones that frame my beating, broken heart. I am soul, not a body.

And yet, that's the hardest thing to remember ... when friends lie battered in hospital beds, when the last of my grandmother's dearest friends goes home for the last time, when I spend minutes a day and hours a month pulling at my rolls of bare skin in the mirror with a wrinkle for a frown.

I am a soul, not a body ... I remind myself.

And yet how many times have I prayed-ached-yearned for healing of my own body, of my mother's body, of my father-in-law's body, for the broken wombs of friends who bury babies, for protection over my husband's freckled frame because it protects the heart that beats in perfect sync with mine.

Son of man, can these bones live?

But healing is a funny thing, that we claim for our bodies and not souls. Our souls are Canaan-bound. But I am more than a soul - I am a body, to be cared for and nourished and not fretted over. I am a body, with hands and feet and a pounding, human heart beating.

Sovereign Lord, you alone know.

So here we are, halfway through Lent and knocking on Easter's door, and my thoughts this year are turned to what resurrection really means and why it matters.

Dry bones, hear the word of the Lord. 

I ache for it in this season, when brokenness and joy fall through my days like raindrops and leaves in an autumn storm.

My people, I am going to open your graves and bring you up from them. I will bring you back to the land of Israel. I will put my Spirit in you, and you will live. 

I tread a narrow path, dancing along the line between now and next. And there is a struggle to be present in these bones, to not take them for granted and yet not put too much faith in them.

The Resurrection was the beginning.

“If you believe in resurrection, you believe that the living God will put his world to right and that if God wants to do that in the future, it is right to try to anticipate that by whatever means in the present.” [NT Wright]

{Note: I found these old words, buried in a draft post from last year, when I moved my blog over to this new space. So they are a bit old, but not outdated.}